Toadal Drama Island Episode 1 Transcript
Part 1 Toad: Hello, everybody and welcome to Toadal Drama Island! Before we start the season, I gotta go into a little backstory. One day, I was watching TV, waiting for the naughty movies to come on. And then I came across this show: Total Drama Island. I was awestruck! The show is amazing! I was inspired to make of a show of the same quantity of awesomeness. And so, TOADAL Drama Island was born! Toadsworth: Hey, Toad. Toad: And speaking of born, here comes a person that we all wish never had been! Toadsworth: Hey, you little whippersnapper. Have you been taking all of your pills? Toad: Toadsworth, I don't need to take pills. I'm not an old growny man like you. Toadsworth: Even young children need to take thier pills. It keeps the bone structure nice and strong. Where are we? Toad: We're on TV! Toadsworth: I thought we were in a summer camp. Toad: It's a summer camp on TV! Toadsworth: Well that makes perfect sense, as long it's safe for the princess. Toad: Oh, it's safe for the princess. (winks) Toadsworth: Why are you winking at that camera held by that very official man so that everyone who's watching this can see it exept for ME? Toad: I'm sending in my eyes. Oh, look here comes Birdo! Oh, Birdo. Birdo: Hey, Toad. I'm glad to be on television. Did Yoshi get here yet? Cause I wanna thank him GOOD! Toad: Don't worry, Birdo. Yoshi will be here soon. Birdo: Well, I wish he wasn't. Iggy: Hi, Toad. This place is very natural. Is it a summer camp? Toad: Yes, this is a summer camp, and sadly for you, you'll be surrounded by technology for the whole time. Iggy: Where won't we be on camera? Toad: In the woods where the bears are waiting to maul anything that moves and breathes. Iggy: That's okay. I prefer places like that anyway. Princess Peach: Hi, Toad. I'm here. Glad to be here. Toadsworth: Thank God, Princess, now I can protect you and take care of you and take care of you and smell my smell on you all day and tuck you in bed blah, blah, blah. Morton Koopa Jr.: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I can't wait! Oh my god, this summer camp, oh my god, I'm so cool, it's happy! Dad never lets me go to summer camp! We get to play baseball, and we get to play basketball and soccer and stuff, and football, and football, yeah, get some! And we can do other activities. Like canoeing, rock climbing, and play snowball fights. YAY! Toad: Uh, Morton, there's no... snowball fights in summer camp. Morton Koopa Jr: Well, we can use something other than snow. Birdo: Oh, I know what that boy's takling about. Toadsworth: That better be censored. Princess Daisy: Hi, Toad. Am I gonna get famous for being on TV now? Toad: Dobtful, just ME! Mario: Hello, everybody. I just want you all to know that I will kick your butts, take the winnings, and buy video games with me in them. No hard feelings. Roy Koopa: Oh, yeah! Look at this! I got tons of new people to beat up, yeah! It's gonna be cool! It's like prison! Toad: It's a summer camp. Roy Koopa: Okay, stand down for me folks, 'cause you're like "Simmer it up and if you start smack-talking me, I'll have to Smack you down." Sorry. I don't care if you're the host and you have a bunch of lawsuits. If, you know, I'm fine with prison. You know. It's fun there. I got plenty of people to beat up there, and the cops allow it. Donkey Kong: I'm on TV! (jumps off this boat and drowns) Toadsworth: You're going to go and save him, right, Toad? Toad: Do I look like the saving type to you? Don't worry, we'll probably send an intern after him. Hey Bobei! Bobei: Ugh! Toad: Go get Donkey Kong out of the water. Bobei: But I can't swim. Toad: Do I look like I care? Yes, Trooper? Trooper: Hey, Toad! Toad: Um, anything else to say? Trooper: Not really. Toad: Okay, just leave. Don't breath in my ear again, or I will rip out your nostrils, even though that's not probably physiclly possible. Or illegal. Luigi: Hi, Toad. I'm here. This had better be fun. Mario: Get off the pier or I'm going to push you into the water! (Luigi screams) Toad: Good job, Mario! Now I'll have to pay Bobei twice the salary! For saving 2 people! Bobei! Bobei? Oh, he must have drowned, now I don't have to pay him at all! Woo-hoo! Boo: Ugh! Toad! It's so light out! Why'd you drag us out here this early? Toad: Look, Boo. We're too early into the season to tolorate any complainers. So get over there in that corner, and shut your mouth. Boo: (whispering:) The buisness world is totally going to Toad's head! Princess Daisy: I know! Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh, yes! this plce is marvelous, marvelous! I'm surrounded by the beauty of nature where I can study! And then I am surrounded by beautiful technology cameras. (smooch) Amazing! Wendy O. Koopa: But I don't want to go to a summer camp! There's﻿ no mall! There's not even a gift shop! Bowser: Look, get off the boat and get on the darn pier right now woman! Toad: How did you two get on the same boat? Bowser: (groans) I had to take her on the boat with me so that she wouldn't jump out. She's complaining about shopping the whole entire time. Toad: Well, I hope your happy here. Wendy O. Koopa: No! Bowser: Yes! Wario: OMG! Oh my god! This is exciting it's a summer camp! We're gonna be in close contact with females for 6 whole weeks! I've never been in close contact with a girl that﻿ long. NOT EVEN MY MOTHER! Bowser Jr.: Oh, yeah! I'm gonna RULE this game! Mario: Shut your mouth! Bowser Jr.: You will work for me some day. I'm a prince! My daddy can buy you! Toad: Money has no place in this game. As if right now, You're all broke! Squat! Zero money! Uh-uh! Bowser Jr.: WHAT?! I can't live without MONEY! I'll have to actually... talk... to these... things! Roy Koopa: Oh, is THAT what you think of of us? are we- what- are we your things, like go and commando and uh-uh, you are not- that's not stand in me you and I- we have a little thing to work on ourselves and that thing is called smacking so hard, you can't see a lot of it at day. Come with me to my cabin and I will explain things to you, boy. Bowser Jr.: LET ME GO! THIS ISN'T ORDERED! Toad: That kid doesn't understand life. Bowser, Why'd you homeschool the kid? If you wouldn't homescholled him, he would know that people aren't just things! Bowser: I wanted him to learn things in the saftey and confort of his golden throne!